To really understand what a newborn needs, it's helpful to think about their time in the womb. Many behaviors they show after birth come from their prenatal life. Neuroscience has taught us a lot about how a baby's brain develops, so we can better understand what they need. What used to be called whims are now seen as needs that weren’t met or understood, leading to certain behaviours.
Life of a Baby in the Womb
In the womb, babies are constantly fed through the umbilical cord. By about 13 weeks, they start learning to suck and swallow, doing this in random bursts throughout the day, mainly while sleeping. Around 35-36 weeks, they begin having short awake moments before going back to sleep.
Feeding Your Baby
little, often, sometimes even while sleeping
When babies are born, they can suck and swallow even while asleep, just like in the womb. This helps them meet their nutritional needs if parents can figure out their signals. Newborns eat often but in small amounts at first, gradually increasing. This frequent feeding mirrors their prenatal behaviour and continues until the mother's milk matures a few days after birth.
Newborn Sleep Patterns
Newborns sleep a lot more than they are awake initially, about 20 hours a day right after birth, which drops to 14-16 hours by three months. Each baby is different, with some sleeping more and others less.
Periods of Sleep and Wakefulness
Newborns often switch between sleep and wakefulness. They might have restless sleep with limb movements, half-open eyes, or brief cries without fully waking up. They also move between calm sleep with gentle movements or spasms and deep sleep where they are undisturbed by noise. Wakeful periods can also vary from calm to agitated, sometimes involving crying.
Day and Night Confusion
Parents often worry if their baby sleeps more during the day than at night. Babies keep their “ultradian rhythm” from the womb, meaning they don't distinguish between day and night. Some may be more active at night if they were also more active at night in the womb. Shifting to a regular day-night pattern can take 1.5 to 3 months. Parents can help by keeping daytime activities normal and night time quieter and darker.
Adjusting to Your Baby's Needs
To make life easier for your newborn (and you!), try to follow their rhythms. For instance, if your baby needs to suck to fall asleep, it's a natural behaviour, not a bad habit. Many babies use their mum's breast to suck on to help them to fall asleep. Sucking helps them relax, just like how many adults fall asleep with their tongue up creating a suction agains the palate (roof) of their mouth.
Keeping Your Baby Safe
90 percent of parents report that their baby often falls asleep in their arms or on their chest and wake up when put down. This isn’t them being spoiled; it’s a need for safety. Being close to you gives them warmth and a sense of security, which is an evolutionary trait to protect against dangers. They do not understand that they are in a safe country in a locked house with no hungry animals walking around wanting to eat them. Our ancestors therefore carried the little ones on them throughout the day and kept them by their side at night to react as quickly as possible in case of danger. Most of these needs help your baby feel safe and develop a secure attachment, leading to less need for constant attention over time.
Co-Sleeping and Feeding
Babies learn to sleep, eat, and develop other skills through close contact with adults. Co-sleeping, done safely, can help. Start with frequent feedings and gradually space them out to establish a routine that works for your family.
Proximity and Continuity
Pushing a baby to reach certain milestones before they're ready can backfire. For instance, expecting a baby to sleep alone by a specific age or weight can lead to sleepless nights. Babies need close contact with someone to develop properly, including learning to sleep, eat, and later on, develop motor skills and language. A baby’s need to have a parent or adult nearby for these learning processes is normal. Co-sleeping or shared sleep can be done in ways that suit each family, whether in the same room or bed, with safety guidelines readily available for parents.
In terms of feeding, maintaining frequent feedings initially and gradually spacing them out helps establish a balanced routine for the family.
Seeking Professional Support
Parents often have a supportive network of people offering various advice based on their experiences. However, it’s beneficial to get professional support from a midwife in the first two months, a pediatrician who regularly checks the baby, or local childcare services. These professionals provide advice based on the latest scientific recommendations.
Let unsolicited advice roll off you like water off a duck’s back. Pick and choose the advice that works best for you, and use it to develop your unique parenting style.
Inspired by Patricia Hildebrandt-Bydzovsky (midwife, lactation and sleep consultant from Fribourg.
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